I Was Caught Masturbating

I Was Caught Masturbating

“Yes, by my mother. I locked the door, and was in there for a long time, being quiet. My mom kept demanding I open the door and talk to her, and I wouldn’t. So she unlocked it (with a key I gave to her “for emergencies only”). Needless to say, I took my “emergency” key back.”

She screamed, ‘You’re SICK!’, then slammed the door

“I remember once my mom walked in on me right when in the middle of ejaculation (I didn’t even hear her open the door…SMH)…She screamed, ‘You’re SICK!’, then slammed the door. I totally avoided her for that whole week because I was so damn embarrassed and, well, that was that.”

My mom hasn’t said a word to me since

“So, I got home the other day and no one was around. I went to my room and closed the door and pulled my magazine collection out (well not really a collection, but like 3 mags). I got some lube and a couple paper towels, and laid on my bed going to town. I must not have heard the front door open because the next thing I knew my mom came into my room said ‘Hey Jer, I’m hom…!’ and then stared for a couple seconds and said ‘Sh!t’ and left the room. Needless to say I didn’t even finish myself off I was in such horror. I quickly put everything away and took off to a friend’s and came home late in the night. This was about 5 days ago, and my mom hasn’t said a word to me since. What should I do? Should I talk to her about it or should I just wait and see if it passes over? How should I go about talking to her, I can’t just say, ‘Hey mom, the other day when you caught be jerkin my gherkin,’ can I? It’s so awkward living in that house now!! BTW I’m 16 so I can’t move out or anything!”

I was using a dildo and it was very obvious

“Hi I’m 21 I’m female and I’m in a loving relationship…I also masturbate. This morning I woke up and felt like pleasuring myself and my brother (23) quietly opened my door then shut it quickly as soon as he saw what I was doing (I was using a dildo and it was very obvious). I’m kind of upset because I live with my mom my brother and my boyfriend and I have told my mom AND my brother multiple times to respect our privacy and knock before you come in our room but they don’t seem to be getting the picture. So my brother went into the living room after and sat on the computer and after I got dressed I came out and said, ‘So I can expect that you will be knocking on my door from now on?’ and he just said, ‘Yeah.’ The annoying thing is that we had planned to go grocery shopping together today and I can’t even bear to look at him and he hasn’t turned around to look at me either. I hate this awkward feeling I’m trying to get over it but I can’t.”

My teenage daughter caught me with my Rabbit

“I had a pretty stressful day so got home and enjoyed a loud noisy orgasm or two courtesy of my Rabbit as it was mid afternoon and I had a couple of hours to myself. The phone rang. When I answered it, it was my 16-year-old daughter who said ‘don’t be mad mum, but I’m home…’ and who, as it turned out, was playing truant from school and had been sitting in her bedroom (in the attic, directly over my bedroom). I don’t know what traumatized her the most—being caught out playing hookey off school or the realization that her mum engages in noisy masturbation sessions in the middle of the afternoon but she’s never risked sneaking off school again since.”

Mom walked in on my while I had a Barbie in one hand and my penis in the other

“I was going through some old things in the garage and I found one of my sister’s Barbies. It was the Beach Fun Barbie so she was wearing this nice, red bathing suit and I always loved it so I took it into my room and I started pleasuring myself while holding the Barbie in the other hand and then suddenly my mom walks in on me. She screams and immediately closed the door.”

8. MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM, sitting in his recliner—he had been there the entire time!

“I have NEVER told anyone this…not even my shrink! I was about 14 or so, and a regular self-diddler. One day I woke up from a nap on the couch & felt a little horn-ay & since I thought I was alone I decided to go at it, using my patented middle-finger technique. I finished with a huge moan…then suddenly I heard something, like a person clearing his throat. MY DAD WAS IN THE ROOM, sitting in his recliner—he had been there the entire time!

I pretended I was sleeping and stayed there for at least an hour on the couch until my dad left the room. I was so utterly and totally mortified I have never even spoken of this until now. My dad, thankfully, never mentioned it, either.”

9. She caught me and then offered to help

“When I was 15 I stood in one of the windows that faced the backyard one day and started jerking off thinking how HOT it was to do this in PUBLIC (sort of). As I got more into it, I didn’t notice the 13-year-old next-door neighbor girl crossing thru the backyard to her house. By the time I noticed her, she had stopped to watch. When I saw her, I just stopped kind of shocked and embarrassed, but she put up a finger like to say 1 minute and went to my back door and came in. I was more shocked it seemed than she was. She asked if she could do it for me and, of course I said YES!! She finished me off and it was GREAT!!! She told me she had been doing it to her 2 older bothers for about a year and a half sometimes both at the same time. It excited me to hear her talk about it and I got hard again, so she did me again. She did me a few more times after that, but then she moved away. I still try to get caught from time to time jerkin’ off and even though I have gotten girls to do it for me, nothing beats that 1st time.”

10. My ten-year-old son witnessed me masturbating and I am completely mortified

“My ten-year-old son witnessed me masturbating and I am completely mortified. It happened a couple nights ago, I was in my bedroom and thought he was fast asleep. But he often comes into my bedroom at night to sleep next to me. Now before you say he’s too old for this, etc. etc., we are going through a hard time (my husband died six months ago) and he’s afraid of everything these days and hates being alone. Anyways I didn’t hear him come in and I’m not sure how much he saw, but he just said ‘Mom can I sleep with you?’ I was obviously taken completely by surprise, pulled up my clothes and said ‘Okay.’ He went straight back to sleep in my bed and nothing was said about what happened. But then in the morning I felt like I had to say something, so I told him ‘I’m sorry you saw me like that last night, mom thought you were sleeping”. He looked at me and said, very matter-of-factly ‘It’s okay mommy, I know you do that sometimes.’ So I’m guessing he’s caught glimpses of me before doing this. So I feel awkward about the whole thing, but do you think enough has been said and I should just forget about it now? He didn’t seem shocked, and I have chatted openly to him about sex and even masturbation (though not in relation to me!) in the past. I know people are probably going to beat me up about not creating enough privacy in the house but please understand it’s a weird time for the both of us and we need to be around each other because of this. At the same time I obviously sometimes need to be alone to please myself. And I hate the idea of closing my bedroom door right now because I want him to feel completely safe and know I’m there for him whenever he needs.”

11. She smiled, handed me a tissue, and walked out

I was caught by my aunt (mother’s elder sister) when I was 14 and a horny little teenager. We were visiting her place. I thought that I had locked the room and was naked on the bed, watching porn on the laptop, and playing with my hard cock. Unfortunately, the door was open and she walked in and stood beside me. I didn’t notice her for a couple of seconds. As soon as I noticed her, out of nervousness, I shot my load all over the laptop screen. She smiled, handed me a tissue, and walked out. We haven’t talked about it till today.”

12. My first instinct: Eat it

“When I first started masturbating, my entire family shared one computer in the living room at the time. A vintage piece-of-shit desktop PC that sat right behind a desk high enough to cover any pants around the ankles. I had the whole house to myself for an hour after school every day, so 3 to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday consisted of nothing but marathoning my genitals into oblivion. Except one day, my mom was sick, and I hadn’t the slightest idea.

I would always bust into my hand, because this made it easier for me to dispose of the evidence into one or six Kleenexes. This particular day, I finish up, unaware that another soul is down the hall, when my mom opens the door immediately. My first instinct: Eat it. I slurped it up so fast, and just nodded “yes” and “no” to my mom’s ranting questions with a mouth full of my own product.

After she left, I spit it into a bunch of tissues and threw it out. It didn’t taste like pudding like my asshole 11-year-old friends said it would.”

13. I looked down at the dry batch on my stomach and heard the moans coming from the TV and was horrified

“One summer during college, I was living with my parents. This was before DVDs, and I didn’t have a VCR in my room, so I chose the family room to do my deed. I knew my parents wouldn’t be awake for a few more hours so I’d have plenty of time to clean up.

For some reason back then, when I beat off, I would only lift my shirt and pull my head under the neck hole, leaving my arms in my sleeves like a goddamn T-Rex. Anyway, I finished my business and must have passed out in ecstasy, leaving my DNA on my belly. I woke up the next day at 10 a.m. still on the couch, and the porn was still playing, because it had an auto-rewind-and-play function. I looked down at the dry batch on my stomach and heard the moans coming from the TV and was horrified. My parents had already left for work. I should also mention they always have their coffee and read the paper in said family room. I avoided my mother for about 36 hours until she finally grabbed me and said, ‘Hey, sleep in your own bed at night.’”

14. I instantly shot my wad in my undies; she smiled and walked away

“Pretty embarrassing and gross story. When I was younger I was really turned on by girls wearing white panties. I needed some new briefs so I went to the store and bought a 4-pack. One of the colors was white. That night I had a friend stay over. I thought she was asleep when I put on my white briefs. I was so hard and started jerking. She walked into my room and saw what I was doing. She smiled and said she was wearing white panties and showed me. I instantly shot my wad in my undies; she smiled and walked away. Very embarrassing and she still reminds me when we catch up.”

15. Another man was watching and he seemed to be getting erect, too

“I was caught or watched by two men the other day in the gym shower…this naked man across from me was soaping his cock and it made me want to jerk off…I got hard and started to wank…another man was watching and he seemed to be getting erect, too…so I decided to give them a show…I went to town and busted a nut in my cupped palm…I decided I was going to eat my load…but as I was squirting my last few spurts, another man walked in and could see me…so I milked out the last few drops and had to abort my mission of eating my cum…I dumped my load from my hand to the shower floor, but it was thick and a huge load and stuck to the floor…anyone looking down would have noticed it…so I had to use my foot to help it go down the drain.”

16. Mom made a huge scene as if she’d caught me smoking crack or mutilating the family dog

“Oh Jesus. My mom burst into my bedroom without warning and made a huge scene as if she’d caught me smoking crack or mutilating the family dog or something. As punishment, she took my bedroom door OFF ITS HINGES for two weeks so my whole family would know I had the nerve to rub one off in the privacy of my own room. Here’s the real kicker: now she writes erotica. Professionally. Aaaand I may never forgive her.”

17. It remains the single most horrifying moment of my life to date

“I was 20 years old and living at home, the boyfriend was hundreds of miles away in college. To ease the pain of separation, I had invested in a Polaroid camera for the purpose of sending my boyfriend regular ‘care packages.’

One day, while I was at work, my terminally nosy mother snuck into my bedroom and started going through my nightstand drawers, eventually finding an envelope full of photos involving me, clad in Frederick’s of Hollywood’s finest (if anything at all), masturbating with a variety of peen-shaped objects, including, but not limited to, a zucchini and a popsicle. Later that night, I walked in the door to find Mom (in tears, no less) sitting at the table, with the incriminating photos spread on the kitchen table. It remains the single most horrifying moment of my life to date.

(And I came from a very conservative family, so Mom proceeded to scream and cry and call me a pervert who made her want to throw up. Soooo…that was fun.)”


“I used to clean houses for a living. This was during a particularly unfocused period in my life where I was staying out until 3 AM getting wasted every night, then waking up at 8 to clean rich people’s houses. One night I’d had a particularly hot make out session with a girl I’d had the hots for for months, and five hours later I was cleaning the home of these dirty hippie philosophy professors. They weren’t home, and never were; I’d cleaned their house a few times before, but I’d never met them.

I knew it was a possibly bad idea, but I was all worked up, maybe still a little drunk from the night before, and my sexual frustration was driving me up the wall. Since they were never home while I was there, I figured I could diddle myself and get away with it. So I climbed up onto their bathroom countertop (which, incidentally, I had just cleaned—NEVER TRUST YOUR CLEANING LADY!) and started going at it.

I never heard them come in; I had my eyes closed, but I heard them run up the stairs, walk around the corner into the master bedroom and throw their belongings on the floor. The bathroom door was wide open and there I was, all splayed out on their freshly scrubbed countertop, furiously masturbating with my legs pulled up. I kept my eyes closed, heard them both gasp, then heard their footsteps as they hurried back down the stairs.

The worst part? Before going downstairs to dust, vacuum, mop, and spending an inevitable hour trying to act like nothing happened while they made their lunch, I made a point of finishing my masturbation session, complete with mind-blowing orgasmic success.

Then I re-cleaned the countertop.”

19. I did hear her scream in absolute horror at the sight of her ten-year-old daughter surrounded by tampons and with a breast pump between her legs…

“Oh, boy, have I been caught. I was, like Sally Draper, ten years old. I was also skipping school and nosing around in my parents’ bathroom when I found my mother’s tampons. I had no idea how they worked (and I wouldn’t even start menstruating for another three years), but I immediately unwrapped one, pulled down my shorts and laid down on the bathroom floor to try to figure it out. I had an orgasm almost instantly.

I went through the entire box of tampons trying to make it happen again. When the box was empty, I found my mother’s breast pump on a shelf and had much better luck with that. I kept at it until I could barely walk and then kept at it some more. So much more that I didn’t hear my mother pull into the driveway, unlock the front door, or enter the bathroom. I did hear her scream in absolute horror at the sight of her ten-year-old daughter surrounded by tampons and with a breast pump between her legs…”

20. Turned out they wanted to surprise me, because my birthday was the upcoming day.

“When I was 13 years old and barely more than a kid, I already had been masturbating for about 2 years, so I guess I thought I was a mistress in the art, never to be seen and never to be thought to do that.

One day, when my parents had gone shopping, my brother was away working and both my sisters studying in the university, I thought I had a great opportunity for a long, nice, warm and good bit of self-love.

Picture this: me in the sofa, naked, with an 8-inch vibrator (a loud one, at that) my headphones on and a gay porn film full-screen on my laptop.

Swimming in the pools of passion, I didn’t hear the door. Nor the ‘surprise’ that my parents, siblings, grandma, and aunt yelled bursting through the door. Turned out they wanted to surprise me, because my birthday was the upcoming day.

What a surprise, indeed.”

21. Dad walked in on me, my pants down, my hand and other parts thoroughly engaged

“Fairly soon after I began to actively engage in self-pleasure (my first time being to a magazine picture of Elvira [me being male, and she having breasts that made me feel funny inside] in a hotel bathroom when I was with my family on vacation), I had moved on to Playboy photos being shared on Usenet.

My dad, who eschewed computers for anything other than his professional duties, walked in on me, my pants down, my hand and other parts thoroughly engaged. He turned and left, and we hardly spoke of it. When we did speak of it, he seemed to be upset mostly that I was masturbating to a computer image. Either way, my dad, a liberal and informed person, had (mistakenly, I think and hope) given me the impression that what I had been doing was wrong.

Later on that day, I found out that my dad had mentioned this to my (older) sister, which was initially terribly embarrassing, but I now appreciate, both because of what I am about to explain and because I have come to realize that he relied on her to be an understanding conduit to me. She asked me to open the photo that had me…randy, and we spent the next 20 minutes critiquing Jenny McCarthy’s physique. I remember that she commented that each of McCarthy’s enhanced breasts appeared to be noticeably different in size. I think this conversation, and the laughs we had and the level of comfort I developed discussing it all, was integral to my realizing that masturbation and sex are integral parts of life, to be openly and productively discussed (when appropriate).”

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